Valentine’s Day: Break Up Before Or After, Which is Better?
Valentine’s Day is here again. It’s difficult to break up. It can feel incredibly cruel to end a relationship around Valentine’s Day, a day dedicated to love. Or is it?
According to Kiana Shelton, a therapist at Mindpath Health in Texas, although February is frequently hailed as the month of love, many couples break up around Valentine’s Day.
With its chocolates, roses, and romantic dinners, Valentine’s Day might increase social pressure to express your affection for your partner. For someone who is prepared to end their life, those gestures may seem insincere. Additionally, some people are still thinking back on their New Year’s resolutions to better themselves, which may involve a relationship.
Valentine’s Day Breakup, Heart Break Before The Lover’s Day
Dr. Morgan Cope, an assistant professor of psychology at Centre College in Kentucky who studies the relationship between the self and romantic relationships, stated that people typically think about breaking up for a long time before making the decision.
“There will never be a good time to end the relationship except now,” she added, adding that it seemed cruel to leave your boyfriend before the holiday. There will always be another birthday, holiday, or other reason to keep going after a relationship has ended.
It can also be emotionally upsetting to spend Valentine’s Day with someone you don’t feel romantically for.
Before Valentine’s Day Breakups, Public Pressure
Cope added, “Consider choosing a present or going out to supper when you don’t want to be there, or having sex with your partner you don’t want to be with.” “Divorces will always be challenging, but you don’t have to make things more difficult for yourself or your partner by pushing something that isn’t meant to be.”
According to Shelton, Valentine’s Day has become a performative event due to social media, which has produced a “breeding ground for comparison and false perceptions about what it means to show up for the people we love.”
She pointed out that there is a lot of pressure on people to compete with what other people are writing about their relationship by making public demonstrations of affection, such as purchasing jewelry or wrapping a bouquet of flowers with cash. Expectations of lavish presents and pricey dinners may cause people to reconsider whether it’s worthwhile to invest time and resources in a fresh relationship or one that is doomed.
Why Some People Choose To Break Up Before Valentine’s Day
According to Cope, lovers might avoid organizing a forced and unauthentic romantic evening by splitting up before Valentine’s Day. “You don’t need to spend emotional and financial resources on a big celebration if you want to be honest and genuine with your partner,” Cope stated. According to her, breaking up could surprise your partner because the holiday may give the impression that the relationship is more stable than it actually is, which could produce uncertainty and even animosity.
Valentine’s Day Breakup, Breaking Up After
Shelton suggested waiting until after the holidays if you’re still unsure about quitting the relationship. She claimed that without the holiday commotion, people are better able to analyze their feelings, especially whether the pressure to declare their love was the reason they were unsure of the future of the relationship.
A final opportunity to demonstrate that the relationship is worthwhile can also be obtained by waiting until after the holiday. According to Shelton, witnessing a partner go above and above on Valentine’s Day might allay suspicions and encourage partners to resolve their differences rather than break up.
Finally, in order to prevent mentally associating Valentine’s Day with a breakup, some people may decide to end their relationship after the occasion. According to Shelton, our brains have a propensity to make connections between two occurrences and interpret them. It may feel as though your relationship never lasts past Valentine’s Day if you are reminded of the split every year. “Breaking up away from the holiday will prevent this erroneous association,” she stated.
Valentine’s Day Breakup: Navigating The Guilt Of Breaking Up
When you break up with someone, it’s usual to feel guilty. According to Cope, “guilt is a social emotion we experience when we’re around other people or when we consider what other people think of us.” Even though the situation is painful at the moment, she suggested reminding yourself that you are kind enough to avoid wasting your partner’s time by deceiving them with holiday parties, which may give the impression that you two are in a committed relationship.
Recognizing the moment is one strategy to overcome discomfort, according to Shelton. For instance, she stated, “I know Valentine’s Day is coming up, but it’s important to express what I am feeling without feeling pressured to perform around this day.” Many emotions will be evoked by being straightforward but empathetic, but it will be easier to explain the reasoning behind this tough choice if you use “I” phrases to convey your feelings without assigning blame.
Valentine’s Day Breakup, Conclusion
Any challenging circumstance can be made more tolerable by ending with kindness. According to Shelton, it’s beneficial to show appreciation for the moments spent together when the connection was significant.
“We’ll continue to feel guilty and ashamed if we’re concentrating on the discomfort of breaking up,” she remarked. “By concentrating on the development and lessons discovered, we can support one another in our future relationships.”